Each and everyday, we all have to make a plethora of decisions. Some are based solely on freewill and desire, others upon things set into play by circumstances outside of our control. We chose when to get up, what to wear, what to eat. We have to decide whether or not to finish something now or put it off for tomorrow. We are also responsible for making choices for other people. In todays world, it seems we are expected to be all-knowing and all-giving, and that all of our choices are the "right" ones. Talk about pressure!
Today I am inspired to blog because it finally occurred to me that, of the few choices that are 100% mine, most decisions I have to make have absolutely nothing to do with what I want or desire. For instance, I get to decide what time I get out of bed, what to wear and what to eat for breakfast. However, all of those things are influenced by what has already been dictated by what "my" itinerary is for the day. Five days a week, I am to be sitting at my desk by 8 a.m., wearing clothing that falls within the guidelines I've been given and breakfast consists of a bowl of cereal or fruit because I recently discovered I have an intolerance to wheat (bye bye biscuits/gravy/pancakes). Of those five workdays, I am responsible for deciding what needs to be done and at what time, coordinating a statewide calendar for a multi-location company full of people who each think that their need is of greatest importance, juggling phone calls, door entrance, emails, visitors needs, staff members needs, faxes, deliveries, conferencing, supplies, broken equipment, venders, REFRIGERATOR CLEANLINESS, roof leaks, broken toilets, and my personal favorite task of deciding what OTHER PEOPLE want to eat for lunch. I'm not talking about coordinating catering for a group of people, I seriously have individuals ask ME what THEY should order for lunch, followed by them telling me to order it for them. I don't know about you, but lunch is one thing that I can handle on my own. I can guarantee you that nothing I chose between the hours of 8 to 5 are even loosely based upon my own freewill or desire.
When not at work, I should be able to choose what to do or what not to do, right? Technically, yes, but it seems the rest of the world also has dibs on my influencing my decisions. I'm not saying that is always a bad thing, but the deeper I delve into the philosophy of freewill choices versus influence choices it seems that we have very few 100% freewill shots to call. Most days when the clock strikes five, I am tired, irritated, stressed, and on "people overload". My only desire is to go home, maybe take my Ipod for a walk, and eventually park on my couch with my kitties and a glass of wine. This is not because I am depressed, a hermit, anti-social or lazy. It's because that's what I feel would be most beneficial for me. In reality, this simple pleasure is judged or derailed by the needs of others or simply by responsibilities and commitments I, myself, chose. Somedays, I am expected to leave work and fight rush hour traffic to attend a meeting that I know ahead of time will be additionally exhausting or perhaps just to meet up with friends for dinner and conversation. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that my world has such distractions so that sitting on the couch with my cats isn't by choice, but it seems the older I get, the less interested I am in staying out late when I know I have to be up at "set time" in order to re-live the joys of 8-5. Wow, now that does make me sound old!
Then there are the weekend choices to be made. Do I sleep in (as would often be my first choice), or should I get up and get started on all those things that I don't have time for Monday-Friday? As most of you know, I'm an ADHD kid who has a hard time getting anything done (well, completed, I should say) if I stray from my routine. For me, Saturday means housecleaning and laundry, once that is out of the way it's time to go play outside or just relax. Sunday is "grocery shopping / any other shopping that needs to be done" day. Doesn't sound like much, right? Wrong! Housecleaning and laundry for me takes double the time it does for the greater population as I am often distracted and bounce from task to task, taking frequent "breaks" to re-group because I get confused as to what in the hell I was doing and what should be done next. The grocery store is equally as time consuming thanks to my new wheat-free existence. Do you have any idea what a wheat-intolerant vegetarian can eat? Not a lot of variety, that's for sure! I prowl each aisle (just as I did the week before), praying to discover something new and TASTY to toss in my cart. This blog is beginning to make me sound like a hemit, isn't it?!
I guess the point I wanted to make by writing today is that everyone has needs, obligations and responsibilities. Although no one has the same needs, responsibilities and obligations, we all have to make choices based upon them in our individual lives. I had a phone conversation earlier today with a friend, and we were talking about everything that we had to do and then countering with what we actually wanted to do. At one point she said, "You are an adult. If you don't want to do that, then don't! It's your choice, don't worry about what you're told you have to do." After our chat, I thought to myself, "she's right, it's my choice and I don't have to do anything I don't want to!" Then I began to think about all of the things that aren't my choice that I still have to do. In closing, I guess I would just like to remind everyone that sometimes the choices we make aren't actually our choices at all. We just have to makes the best choice based upon what we're given and call it a day!
I've been saying for y-e-a-r-s now that I'm going to write a book. Or two. Or something. Fiction, basely loosely on the experiences of me and my people, heavy with embellishments. More recently I've decided that I might as well kick-start the process by blogging and telling what really happens en mi vida loca, because seriously, I couldn't even make most of this -ish up.
